I guess im gay?

Ever since i saw porn for the first time i was hooked and couldnt wait till iwas old enought to have sex, in this porn movie the star was howard johnson and i would love how he would anal fuck the girls i mean his dick barely fit in those assholes but it looked so good, so im still a virgin and cant wait to see real ass infront of me so i get a mirror and start looking at my own i would grabb my dick and pull it up so when i was on all 4 you couldnt see it and it looked just like a girls ass i was getting turned on by my own ass so i start wondering how it would look with a dick inside so in experimentin i mean i dint like looking 4 things around the house but i was learning to like it i started with the plunger because it would get stuck to the wall then i could move the mirror and get a better look at tgat ass in my head it was a girls ass but i would get hard just beliveing that, plunger was wooden it took forever for me to get it in i used lotion and when it finally whent in i would put the mirror and it looked really hot almost as if i was watching live porn in my head i wasnt fucking myself i was just doing it so.i could see what it looked like...i quickly got bored of the plunger and was looking for a bigger thicker dick so i could se up close how it looked going in there i mean guys amd girls butthole is the same right its just a butthole
I found thicker items around the house and was now getting hooked i was coming up with all sorts of ways to put the mirror and looked at my ashole getting fucked...i grew up and now had fucked a few girls here n there but i would get that sensacion on my butthole so i would massage it and finger my self while masturbating i was already grown early 20's... Then one day at the house i lived a party was poping every body left and this family gay friend goes to sleep on the sofa next to the one i was in, im asleep and i wake up to find him trying to suck my dick i let him because i just wanted to cum so he's sucking me of i reach in his pants and grabbed his ass and i go for his butthole i would of fucked gim i think but it grossed me out that it smelled bad so i take my hand out and as im pullung my hand around and out i bumped his dick, he had a nice hard short but thick cock...my early kiddo expiriences kicked in and said omg a real dick in my hands i can see how girls love cock there was something that felt good about wraping my hand on his cock mine was not that big so when i grabbed his i was jelouse because how could he that he is gay have a bigger cock than me... I make him sit on the sofa and pulled his shorts down in my mind im like this girl.porn actrees thats about to perform so i was thinking this is what it loks like from a womens view....god that cock looked good idk but it did so i start to stroke him and sucking his dick ,,, it was thick and head was big too im sucking him hard wanting to make him cum and thinking im about to taste real cum intresting ....he wouldnt cum so my senses kick in and say to my self well time to find out how it feels to get fucked by a real dick , i tell him wait here ima shower really quuck i do i come out hes srill sitting i suck him of some more and i ask him will you fuck me he notted yes,,, he might of been surprised because i was messing around with his sister and thought i was straight i mean i was it just something that mannaged to happen, so i get ontop of him and start riding him i wanted to feel his cock all the way in so i dreagged him to the floor and suck his dick some more so it would stay hard it dint taste like nothing i mean its just skin and it was clean so i get on top of him this time in the 69 position because i was gonna reverse cowboy ride him but then he starts licking my butthole ...man it felt really good i liked how his warm soft tounge would feel and im thinking no wonder girls love that when i do.it to them...im all horny and could feel.my asshole pulsating wanting to get penetrated so i get of him and get on all 4 he gets up and jumps ontop of me and i could feel his hard warm cock teying to find my hole it felt fucken good i wasnt arching as much so he couldnt penetrate me so he gets closer from behind and bites my ear and pulls it back so i would arch more i did asoon as he pulled back my ear with his mouth i felt his dick go right in and it went in fast and it hurt...idk why but i felt it tore something inside me i dint understand because i would penetrate my self with thicker stuff than that...i guess it was the ring around his head what i felt i just enjoyed that dick for like a min and was over it because anybody could of walked on us any second.. I couldnt belive a real dick had just gone up my ass and i liked it i wanted to feel his warm load inside me but that would of taken longer so i pushed him of and went to shower again so i could go to sleep,,, i had to work yhe next day... As sunrise was hitting he then jumps at me again and this time i pushed him away hard and said no,,, i dind belive what i had done that night and he said yea u took it really well last night i tell him shut the fuck up and u better not say a word about this....i felt wierd idk if i was gay or straight or what i mean i dont pgisically like guys but i like watching their dicks in porn movies wierd....never happened again with that guy i tried to stay away and close that gay chapter till a few years later i walk into a porn theater high off my ass and go into one of the rooms and this gay guy follows me and says can i suck ur dick im like sure...i let him suck me amd then he gets up and pulls his pants down and boing he had an even bigger dick than that one i fucked , this one was longer maybe same as think but had a curvature to it i grabb it and it feels so good in my hands i xould of probbably fit it in both my hands ...my gaynus starts kicking in and next thing you know im on his dick sucking it every inch of it,, it felt good stroking it because it was longer so when i would stroke it all the way down and then up it seemed like forever,,, i make his sit on the bench and i jumped on top and start riding his cock this time i wanted to feel that load of cum inside me so i tell him cum inside me please,,, he does and i dint really feel anything so i get up wipe and we each go upon our bussines about an hour later standing there in my house i get this wet sensation on my butthole so i reach and spread my cheeck and warm sticky cum starts coming out the sticky part felt good so i go to the restroom and rubb all that cum on my asshole ....i saw him at the theater monthas later and said this time ure fucking me so.ido i fuck him and cum inside him it wasnt all that he was pretty loose on the asshole , months go by and im in a hotel near by fucking that first guys sister i would fuck her here and there we finish i take her home come back and swing by the theater next to the hotel, this time theres a older guy that follows me and says can i suck ur dick i say sure...as he's sucking my dick he starts playing with my butthole lubing it up with saliva he then sticks a finger in and is like hook fucking me while blowing me idk what he touched or what but i quickley got horny and felt that gay sensation again i tell him i have a room right next door lets go
He wouldnt so i start sucking on his dick this one was average i guess he then grabs my face and starts jerking of as if ge was going to shoot his cum on me but i said no lets go to the room and we'll do whatever you want
I wanted to ride him and have him fuck me all different ways possible because it was safer in the hotel room but he dint want to go so i grabbed him and sit him down and i get this bitchy mood like i was upset he wouldnt want to go to the hotel room so when i sit him down i turn around infront of him my back towards him and sit on his dick hard because i was mad ..it went in really good but it hurt like that first time so i quickley got up and said ouch....he then says did i hurt you is my dick too big...it wasnt big at all but i could see his desire of having a big dick so i played along , yes ur dick is so big it hurtshe then stands up and grabs me from behind standing doggie i could barely feel the tip going in but felt good he couldnt cum and had to leave his wife was waiting on him he had gone out to run some esrrands and ended up fucking some random guys asshole..that was the last gay encounter with real people i had amd never sucked a dicked and made it cum on my mouth i still kinda want that but anyways i still get horny when i use a certain illegal substance and whan im alone i bust out my lubes and put on this skimmpi thong i took from a i shave my ass and spread my cheecks at the mirror it looks so good and i imagine its a girls but so i start playing with toy i have toy i use with girls like this penis sleeve that u would normally wear over ur cock but i find small plastic bottles and put the sleeve over it ant it.looks just like a real.dick its long and good size thickness i stick it between the sofas or cushion seats and ride it hard or i put a pile of blankets on the floor and make like a round body shape and put the dildo there and hop on and ride it while recording myself i still like imagining its somebody else when i see the video ...i just cant get an orgasm like this so i stop after i get tired...but side ways on the sofa is the best...when its all.lubed and slippery i stick it between the cushions so it holds it self and i slowyly back my ass to it all the way in and then out all the way i love that poping sound it makes when it goes all the way in and then all the way out,my asshole pops and turns me on everytime it goes back in again plus it feels good when you can feel the penis head penetrating i wanted to atache the dildo to my sawsall somehow so i can pull the triger to long easy strokes to short fast strokes theres still a few adventures i wanna try before i say ok gay time is over,,, depest ive taken is probablyy like 8 or 9 in and it was just to find out how deep could i go and still be safe, thickest ive streched oit to is probablly like 2 maybe 3 inches wow but it takes hours for me to ge to this ,i would just challenge myself see how big i could go and wow that asshole can really strech out if you work it good, i remember putting a suave family size contitioner bottle once and i like how my asshole looked on the mirror all streched out it wasnt enjoyable but i like how it looked when i pulled it out and could se my asshole open up and slowly tighning back close , im not so hairy so when i shave my butthole and ass cheecks it looks so smoth n round because i work out alot at work so when im on my knees spreading my ass to the mirror it looks like a womens butt and i wanna fuck it really hard